Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Grind

I'm back in Shi Yan. In some ways, the past month seemed like an eternity (a badly needed one, at that), and in other ways, it was a flash. I have thought about a lot of things, and have learned so much. In case you missed my Xanga blog, I've set some goals for myself this term which I hope will make things better. Life is good right now, and I plan to keep it that way. I'm determined more than ever to focus on the big picture, and to keep the small things from getting to me. I also want to be more encouraging. I feel like I'm coming out of an emotional trough, and I want to ride this wave to its crest as long as possible. I feel strong, like I have overcome a great foe, but I know I haven't done anything. I have to give that credit to my Lord.

My prayer life has changed. I pray more now, and I think its evolving, becoming more personal, almost stronger or deeper. It's exciting to me, like when you work out for a long time and finally begin to see some results. I know this is not where I need to stop though. I still have a lot of road before me. I mainly focus on this semester, but I also am having difficulty making decisions for the future. I have opportunity to be in a better situation as a teacher in china next year, with a better support system. I'm also thinking a lot about grad school, and finishing that off. Brandon has difficulty with his decision as well. I don't want to base my decision solely on his, but I feel a certain degree of committment to forming a team, so his decision will affect mine some. I'd also like to think about getting married--sounds strange, especially since I don't even have a girlfriend--but it seems like I'm getting closer to the ideal time for that to happen.

This trip has been a great reflection tool, and I've built some great relationships on the way. I pray I can take the momentum gained from this trip and carry it over to my semester. I feel like I'm really testing my faith as I go into the future, like I'm just walking into a tunnel of darkness. But I guess that's how most of life is anyway. "Commit you work to the Lord and your plans will be established."

I'm not worried about the future.

Grace and Peace,

Kyle